


Mother In Late Forties (MILF)

by queststar



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Established Evil Queen | Regina Mills/Emma Swan, F/F, Fluff, Humor, MILFs, Short One Shot, Swan Queen - Freeform, Wives, swanqueen - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-07
Updated: 2020-10-07
Packaged: 2021-03-07 15:54:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26880223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queststar/pseuds/queststar
Summary: “What’s a milf?” Regina asks her son, brow furrowed.Henry reddens even more and awkwardly shuffles on his feet. “Nothing, mom. It’s a stupid joke,” he mutters. “Nick’s just being an asshole.”(Happy birthday, Claire!)
Relationships: Evil Queen | Regina Mills/Emma Swan
Comments: 48
Kudos: 479





	Mother In Late Forties (MILF)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [loubie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/loubie/gifts).



“Wow, is that your mother? Damn, she’s is a milf, Henry!”

Regina looks up, surprised. She sees how a classmate of Henry’s darts away, laughing, and she turns to her son. She’s picking him up from school today because she has a rare afternoon off, so he doesn’t have to take the bus. But she frowns, not really sure what to make of the comment. Especially because Henry’s face turns bright red and he ducks his head, hides his cheeks in his coat. He’s clearly embarrassed, Regina notices. And she’s confused. “What’s a milf?” she asks her son, brow furrowed.

He reddens even more and awkwardly shuffles on his feet. “Nothing, mom. It’s a stupid joke,” he mutters. “Nick’s just being an asshole.”

Regina rolls her eyes. “Language, Henry,” she scolds him, but he just shrugs. She turns and walks to the car, not missing the relieved glance on his face when he thinks he’s on the safe side. She slips into the car, swings her leg inside, and closes the door, before fastening her seatbelt and pushing the keys in the ignition. She waits with turning the keys until his seatbelt is safely on as well before she pushes on. “Now, tell me,” she demands in a tone that makes Henry flinch. He sinks deeper into his chair, turns his head to look outside. He is clearly avoiding her eyes and it irritates her. It can’t be this bad, but his response makes her more curious and worried at the same time.

“It’s really not that important,” he tries, but he quickly flashes his eyes to her and sees the look on his mother’s face. She raises an eyebrow at him, sits still like a statue. And he sighs in defeat.

“M-mother…. in late forties?”

What? Regina is immediately enraged by the grave insult. “That’s outrageous!! I’m not even forty yet!” she huffs. With force, she turns the keys and the Mercedes comes to life. 

“I know mom, it’s lame, can you please, please drop it?”

Regina bristles with fury. No. No, she can’t. “Do you think I look old?” she asks him, angry and shocked at the same time. Henry avoids her eyes.

“No, mom, of course I don’t! I told you, it’s stupid.”

And Nick really is an asshole, Regina growls infuriated. 

\-----

The entire afternoon she’s irritated. Cranky. And highly sensitive and conscious of herself. She feels the need to check her reflection in the mirror down the hall every time she passes - and she finds herself passing the mirror more often than she usually does. It’s not that she is really vain, but someone adding over 10 years to her age because of the way she looks is startling. So, she squints at her mirror image for what must be the fifteenth time that day. Is that a gray hair? Did she already have that wrinkle before? Hm, maybe she does need a different moisturizing cream. She checks her eyes, nose, teeth. Her fingers follow every wrinkle she finds. She frowns and then doesn’t because it’ll only deepen the creases in her forehead. The vein on her forehead is pulsing and she wishes it would go away because maybe it _does_ make her look old.

She feels insecure. If one classmate of Henry thinks she’s in her late forties, how do other people view her? Her eyes narrow at her reflection, but new creases appear and she huffs in frustration.

“Uh oh.”

She jerks her head into the direction of the sound. Emma’s home and she is observing her, hands shoved in the pockets of her horrendous red jacket and she leans to the doorframe. “I know that look. What’s up?”

Regina eyes her wife before she returns to the mirror. Emma looks far from over forty, she thinks cranky. The blonde lives on greasy food while Regina picks the healthy variations and apparently, she _still_ looks old. “Henry’s classmate,” she sighs, an unhappy tone in her voice. “He called me a milf. And I’m trying to find out if he’s right.” She waves her hand helplessly through the air. “I know it’s petty, but…” Her voice dies out.

Emma snorts in disbelief. “You’re _seriously_ staring at yourself in the mirror because some teenage boy full of hormones called you a _milf_?” She shrugs, then grins. “He’s not wrong, though,” she says with a playful wink. “You definitely are one.”

Outraged, Regina turns her head and with a fiery gaze, she stalks closer. “Are you deliberately trying to offend me?” she snaps at her wife.

“Whoah - wait - it’s not offensive!” Emma’s eyes grow wide and she raises her hands in a defensive position. She looks confused. “I can’t believe you’re acting so pissed off over this!”

“If someone believes I look much older than I am, something seriously must be wrong and you of all people are _agreeing?_ ” Her eyes are ablaze. “And even if you believed it, you should be on my side! The least you can do is _pretend_ .” Underneath the fury, there’s hurt.   
  
“Uhm, Regina…”

It’s starting to dawn on Emma. And her lips curl into a lopsided smile. 

"What?!” 

“What do you believe milf means?”

"Henry’s told me.” Regina rolls her eyes irritably and scoffs. “Mother in late forties.”

And Emma bursts out in laughter. It enrages Regina even more and the frustration inside her fights a way out. She shoves Emma away - Emma, who’s wheezing, guffaws until she’s out of breath, trips over her own feet and crashes into the floor and she still can’t stop laughing. 

“Regina,” she cries out, tears rolling over her face, “That’s not what a milf is!” She scrambles up to her feet and takes her wife’s balled fists into her own. “I can’t believe that you don’t know this! Tell me, Henry was embarrassed, wasn’t he?” She wipes the tears from her face but still makes sounds that indicate she’s not over the joke yet. By far. It annoys the crap out of Regina.

“Yes?” Regina growls, angry and confused at the same time.

“Thought so. Let me inform you…” Emma leans closer. Whispers something in her ear.

Regina’s eyes grow wide in disbelief and when realization dawns, she turns her head when Emma pulls back just a little. “ _No_!” she says, voice choking, startled.

“Yes,” Emma hums, pleased, a wide smile on her face. Her hand affectionately coasts down Regina’s back before she slips it under her waistband to touch bare skin.

“NO,” Regina shrieks, pinching her nose.

“Yes,” Emma giggles while pushing her nose to the sensitive spot behind her ear.

Regina shivers. “That little sh-”   
  
Emma pinches her. “Language, little milf,” she murmurs, nuzzling Regina’s neck, playfully biting in Regina’s pulse point. Regina groans and arches her back in Emma’s direction, meanwhile trying to shoot an annoyed glance at her wife. She fails horribly. 

“Now,” Emma purrs, slowly making her way towards the couch in the study while never stopping to tease her wife, who’s willingly following, “let me show you how much of a milf I think you are.” 

And Regina does not have any problems with that.


End file.
